When she left, i realized the story from childhood that I had no idea I was still holding as a reality….. that she would exist forever to take care of me because she was my Mother and that’s what Mothers do …. was not actually true.
What a suprise it was to my personality to experience the child feeling abandoned and to see the story of love being forever is not true, for both of us. Because just as every child wishes her mother could be in perfect love for them forever so does every mother wish this as well.
My mother giving birth to me and dying taught me I am a child of God more directly than any of my Guru’s could… in India we say your mother is your first Guru… this is so true and it has so many layers to it. My mother died on the full moon of Guru Purnima., which also happened to fall on my Guru Mantriji’s birthday that year !! Telling me that on some level she knew the effect she was having on me, although this was very subtle in the dynamics of our waking life…. in the subterranean world of psychic evolution it was a rich with wonder.
I feel her today, her love and her surprise that life was not what she thought it was either.
She showed me we are all Gods child and she also showed me my resistance to the surrender of story and time .
I bow down…… to the mystery of our journey, and give thanks
love you Mom