The Prison of Loves Disappointments

photo credit Cylla Von Tiedermann Photography

‘A Woman Asks’

My question is how how do I break this spell…. my health is declining, I’m depressed, I gamble, I only sleep gamble and work. I worry about everyone else (my 2 boys especially). but me and I feel like I’m drowning. I feel rejected and isolated. I try to fix my relationship with my mother but I’m angry at her. My father whom I found out about just a few years back is getting old and I want something…. I’ve lost me. If I every existed. I just need some answers or guidance to get moving forward.

The Prison of Loves Disappointments

When all else fails Dear One
there is one place
left to look
’Within’

In the searching
for love
it eludes
even the cleverest seekers

Darling child of Love and Light
this truth is something
you are here to know
to drink in
to inspire yourself with
to set dreams with
to ruminate on
and offer as a soothing and healing balm
to the tortured chambers
of Love
that dwell within
the paths you have walked

You are of the Light
and so are the other players
in your stories
not one more than the other
each one equal in the Light
and each one equal
in the gathering of their perceptions
through the stores they have survived and have died in

It is time to slow
to slow in ways never before
understood or considered
as a birth right
of your tender heart
and do you know dear one
just how tender
your heart is ?
do you see Her
overwhelm
in the hands
of the tough love
that has ornamented
Her path

Yet even in the midst
of much unjust love
She waits for the tender hands
to lift her to the light
that She knows to be true
So true She has not forgotten it

Darling child of light and love
the worry you feel for others
is the worry you have for
your own tender self
the risks you take
as you gamble away
you hard work
is your version
of excitement
within the prison walls
of self withholding

We ask you at this time
to make a choice
to honor
what is tender within
to know that all those
who you care for
are taken care of
by Divine Love
as so are you
and to take a spiritual
‘cold turkey’
break from all

The conflicts you find yourself in
over and over
are the spinning
of the web to keep you
bound in the false safety of pain
That no longer serves
the you
you seek to become

It serves the child
who felt lost
and abandoned
who felt doubtful of all futures
but you are ready now
to let these stories
leave the hearth
and welcome Love and Value

There was no other way
for the past to have played out
it was a stone rolling
down a hill with great momentum
but it has hit the bottom
it is not rolling any further
and now you can say
’I am no longer of this story’
’I am no longer one who needs
to suffer as a birthright’
’I am no longer one who
desires the prison’
Instead of the sweet Airs of Freedom
This may seem simple
yet the ties run deeper
than imagined for all of humanity

At this moment
set a time period
in which you will not gamble.
not tend to another ‘s story
not rob your self of
tenderness and tears
and not walk away from
the inner worlds
that can offer you the safety you seek

You want safely more than all else
yet the habits of the past
keep calling in the robbers of love
to make you believe
once again it cannot be found

Yet still it lives inside
it has always been there
and it waits for you to turn
your willing attention
towards it

Willingness may be something
you may almost have to fake
at this point
yet the ‘faking’ will
strengthen you all the way to the reality of willingness

We suggest pulling away
from the norm for now
because each scenario
is like an addiction
and can grab you back
without you even noticing

For a period of time
that you choose
set aside all that has been mentioned
the care taking
the gambling
and see the woman
in her struggle
to love herself
AND know that
by witnessing that struggle
you are on the path of
overcoming

Find council
that can support you
as you will need to speak truth
in timings chosen by you
rather than circumstances
gaining momentum
and forcing you react in fear

Please know that you are loved
you must remind yourself of this
over and over
it is a human affliction
to forget creations presence
it is not a personal flaw

You are part of the Great Weaving
You are not separate from it

The forgivenesses you seek
will come easily
when you have forgiven yourself
for your perception
of not being enough
in the limited eyes of others

All stories are crumbling
and the the false pillars of love
will fall and be seen for what they are

All is Well
All is Safe
All will Be
Freedom from the Prisons of Loves Disappointments
Is yours now for the taking